Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Virtual dating

Well, after my last wonderful date (remember the jacking-off incident?) I took a break from the online dating thing. But I decided to get back into the game. So, I've been searching for Mr. Wonderful. Apparently they don't just land in your living room while you're sitting around watching t.v. They say you've got to do a little work. I'm on 3 different online dating sites. I decided to compile some lists to make my search a little more interesting. Here we go.

Two of the sites requires you to have an opening line.

"I am man." I should hope so if you're coming up in my search for "males".
"Can you complete me?" Can you come up w/something more original?
"I totally rock!" Good for you?
"Any funny, fun, attractive, cool girls out here?" or "Anyone fun and interesting out there?" Nope, the world's a boring, unattractive world full of boring, depressed, ugly, very uncool girls. Sorry to disappoint you--looks like you're going to be alone forever.
"Hello ladies..." Is it just me or do you immediately think of Joey from Friends? And, do you really want to be dating Joey? I don't know, maybe someone does.
"He cleans up nicely." So, all the other times he's what?
"Now what could be wrong with this face?" Do you really want me to answer that?
"Dancing w/myself." Great, keep doing that...it just sounds wrong.
"Let's spice up a life." Whose life? Can we really spice anyone's life? Okay!!
"I am looking for a women to make me happy." Grammar people!!
"Hello gals! I love women, women, women and I hope they love me." I don't even know what to say about that one...

All the sites ask you to describe yourself. I found that every single guy loves to bike, travel, work out, is in excellent shape, is really funny, loves to laugh (thank goodness!) ... Wow! What a fit, healthy, happy world we live in. And I thought it was going to be hard to find a great guy. Silly me. Here's one I immediately wanted to respond to "I'm earning my master's of fine arts in film and my schedule is booked up rather air tight." Great! I've been looking for someone who has no time for me. My favorites are teh ones who tell you they're looking for a girlfriend, but give you no information about themselves. What do I have to go on to show any interest????

I sound horribly bitter, I know. But I just don't understand why the world can't be as perfect as I am. (Umm, yes, that's a joke. And, yes, you can stop laughing now...it wasn't that funny was it?) So in an attempt to sound a little more positive...

Here are some of favorites that made me "smile" or "wink" at them.
Username: Naughty_artist --I just couldn't resist.
Opening lines:
"That's me on the left, solving world hunger...AGAIN!"
"Rich doctor seeking arm candy."
"Something in the way she moves me."
"STOP! Click here for a good laugh with a great guy." Then it opens, "Well it made you stop didn't it?" It did. He sounded cute.
Username: "Partly Sunny"; Opening line: "Partly cloudy" --how cute is that?


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